My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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