I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
