He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
