it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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