That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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