OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize