I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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