So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's always time for handjobs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Please don't give away my fajitas
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