i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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