Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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