I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
