i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
