I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
