How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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