theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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