I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
