You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
