True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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