Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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