There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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