sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
