I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
