im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I will be naked everywhere
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
