My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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