you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
