She said her name was "party"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
