A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
