Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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