Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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