Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
