the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
