my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
