home. puking in laundry basket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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