i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need water and some morals
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