Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
