last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
