you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
