HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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