piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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