you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
