I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
