I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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