I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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