Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
