they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
