I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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