she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
