Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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