If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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