The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
