My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I see more hoeing in ur future
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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