I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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