I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
