new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
