Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
