Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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