jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
