we have officially lost it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
