Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
