I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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