we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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