at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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