well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
